The Bachelor Life

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In university one of my class assignments was to write an art song in a foreign language. Being me, I wrote mine in Vulcan because the assignment didn’t dictate that it had to be a terrestrial language. It was called something like Nash-veh va-tukh t’du ri ku-ba, nam-tor va-tukh ek’shat, or “I cannot love you for it is not logical.” Alas, that one appears to have been lost after a move.

Another assignment was to write an English art song, which I do have. I was going for something in the vein of Gilbert and Sullivan here. Since the professor was a bachelor, I was hoping to score some brownie points with the theme of my art songs, you see.

Here I’ve reworked the song for general consumption. Enjoy!

🔊 Listen to it here.
💾 Download it here.


I wake when I please at a quarter to ten,
Unbothered by squawking or domestic hen!
No spousal dictates on the drape of the drapes,
No sharing my muffins, my cream, or my crepes.
I wander the parlor in mismatched attire,
And poke quite incorrectly at the fire.
For marriage is upkeep, and marriage is care,
And marriage leads quickly to loss of one’s hair!

The bachelor life,
Unhurried life,
Unworried life for me,
The happy-go-lucky, the matchless life,
The bachelor life for me.

The suitors may swoon at a delicate hand,
And offer up titles and houses and land.
But ladies require a fortune to dress,
In silks and in satins and velvet, no less!
They faint if you mention a budget or bill,
And then they demand that you alter your will.
So let the poor husbands be driven to drink,
While I sit alone and comfortably think!

The bachelor life,
Unhurried life,
Unworried life for me,
The happy-go-lucky, the matchless life,
The bachelor life for me.

For a wife will object to your pipe and your dog,
And insist that your ledger is all agog,
She will criticize cousins and cousins-in-law,
And discover a monstrous, invisible flaw
In the way that you walk and the way that you talk,
Till you’re driven to hide with a bottle of hock!
Yes, the altar’s a trap for the foolishly brave,
From the wedding bells straight to a premature grave!

The bachelor life,
Unhurried life,
Unworried life for me,
The happy-go-lucky, the matchless life,
The bachelor life for me.

Words & Music Copyright © 2026 Robert Ritter

Location: Kansas City, MO, USA

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